shall we?

Dear mommy and daddy,
I do respect you and love you both
as you have been great parents for me
I cannot be here without you
and I know that there's nothing I can do
to make it equal with what you have done for me..

Dear mommy and daddy,
this is your little girl
has grown into 24-year-old girl
this little daughter
is not a baby anymore

I'm probably still young
and 'green' in your eyes..
I'm still naive and stupid
but I have learned
and I had experiences
I will never be as experienced as you both
but I have my mind and my heart
to lead me where I want to go

I always try to be the best I can be
to make you both proud of me
but dear Mom and Dad,
sometimes I just can't be like what you want me to be
as I am a human, just like you..
I have my own dreams, my own plans, my own will..
my own way...

When you said, you wish you could help me..
Oh you really could,
If only you could just let me be...
and let me have my complete happiness...

too bad if my happiness gonna hurt you,
or yours gonna hurt me..
shall we have this happiness?
or shall we not?

love story

tonight I just can't sleep
thinking of how sad a love story can be
in this situation,
I always face a sad love story

why can't we be like story book children?
princess, prince, fairies...
oh well, I need a fairy-god-mother at this moment...
Why can't my story starts with:Once upon a time..
And it ends with: and they live happily ever after...

2 years,
and I have to face this conflicting situation
between my happiness
or their (her) happiness

how can I make you understand,
this is my happiness
but you just can't believe me
cos you have arranged my happiness

Can I be happy with your plan?
and why Can't I be happy with my plan?

How can I make you understand,
that your little girl, has grown into a young lady..
I'm a mature woman now..
maybe I will always be a little girl for you
but I do hope you will understand
that I have my own plan,
my own happiness, my own way..

I know that you never want to see me sad...
you never want to see me hurt
but you can't define my happiness with yours

How can I make you understand?
I really need to know..

Ujian

Sempet merasa down banget beberapa hari ini. Sedih. Almost frustated, with all complicated things that are happening in my life right now. Rasanya.. hampir putus harapan :(
Maaf yah, gak enak banget kayanya kalo lagi nulis cerita-cerita gak penuh optimisme. Tapi itulah hidup.. kadang kita di atas, kadang kita di bawah. Kadang senang, kadang sedih. Apa yang ditulis disini, mudah-mudahan bisa jadi curahan hati aja dan ada hikmah yang bisa diambil. (terutama buat diriku sendiri) hehe.

Kemarin tiba-tiba aku mendengar 'kata-kata ajaib' Mario Teguh.
Kebetulan sekali topiknya mengenai ujian dan cobaan yang dialami manusia. Kata-katanya, seperti biasa menyentuh hati seketika. Ia berkata: "Tidak ada orang yang pantas mendapatkan sesuatu yang besar, sebelum mengatasi kesulitan yang besar".

Sesungguhnya kesulitan yang kita alami diberikan Tuhan, untuk membuat kita menyadari kekuatan dan potensi yang ada di dalam diri kita. Sebelum mengalami kesulitan itu, kita tidak tau bahwa kita sanggup menghadapinya. Seketika aku merasa bersyukur dengan apa yang kualami. Mungkin yang kualami belum seberapa dibandingkan banyak orang di luar sana dengan segala kesulitan mereka. Selain itu, memang disadari atau tidak, kesulitan dan kesedihan yang kita alami membuat kita bertambah kuat. Stronger than we ever thought. Ya,,, yang penting adalah sikap kita dalam menghadapi cobaan kehidupan.

Kita bisa menangis dan menyerah kalah dengan cobaan tersebut.
Atau kita bisa berdiri teguh dan bertahan. Tidak menyerah dengan keadaan... dan ternyata kepahitan tersebut dapat berbuah manis. Mensyukuri segala yang terjadi, memahami hikmah dari setiap peristiwa. Karena tidak suatu hal pun dapat terjadi tanpa seizin-Nya. Oleh karena itu, kenapa harus terpuruk dan mengeluh?

Aku tau, mungkin melaksanakannya tidak semudah yang diucapkan. Seringkali, diantara ujian yang sedang kualami ini, aku merasa begitu lemah dan rapuh. Tidak tau sampai kapan dapat bertahan. Bahkan terkadang, aku merasa tidak menjadi diriku sendiri. Tapi, biarlah.. aku berusaha bersabar dan ikhlas. Diantara hampir putus-asa-nya aku, aku hanya dapat berdoa kepada Allah untuk yang terbaik. Agar diberikan jalan keluar dari permasalahan yang kuhadapi.

Karena sesungguhnya, habis gelap terbitlah terang. Setelah kesulitan, ada kemudahan. Insya Allah...

Only God Knows

It is so horrible, when you see someone that you love hurts other person that you love. Actually, it hurts you as well in a way that is hard to describe. Gosh, sometimes I cannot stop questioning. Why does it must happen this way? What is my mistake? Which way should I take..?

Only God Knows, I don't know anything. But I believe that everything happens for a reason. And God must have the Plan for me.. karena semua yang terjadi, terjadi karena kehendakNya. Kun FayaKun, tidak ada yang tidak mungkin bagi Allah swt. Aku, sebagai manusia biasa, yang tak berdaya hanya dapat berusaha dan bertawakal... serta ikhlas dan rela menerima segala ketentuanNya. Ya Allah semoga Engkau melapangkan Hati ini..dan menunjukkan jalan yang terbaik. Amin.

Sleepless Night

Another sleepless night. And I couldn't think of something better than writing here. I feel so happy to be here =) thanks dear Blog :) I really really miss the moment when I could just share everything through my writings. I always love to write, and always dream to be a writer. I hope I could make those dreams come true.

Another sleepless night. Dear God, I'm very thankful for everything happens in my life. All great things and bad things. All of my laughs and my tears. People who love and hurt me. Somehow, they make me the way I am. And I'm very grateful for that. As I feel that I've learn so many things... things that make me feel rich. =)

Another sleepless night. Had the chat with 'him' and maybe he fell asleep already. Many things we talked about, and sometimes..it's just feel so endless. Well, I hope we'll have our way. I believe that God has great plan for us. So just pray for the best.

Another sleepless night. I have so many dreams and hopes. Am I that greedy? I wanna have everything that I want to have, that I dream of. Some people would tell me, that I just can't have it all. And sometimes, I buy those words. But, I don't want to believe that. I (used to) believe that dreams do come true. And I want to be that believer. Cos there's nothing impossible, for God. And we just have to have faith.

Another sleepless night. I love my life. I do... so much.. sometimes, there are things that just not exactly the way I want it. But, there's nothing perfect. There's always the process of everything, and that what makes life beautiful. Dear God,I believe that you have plan for me. You won't let me down... I hope You always be there for me, shower me with Your love and blessings.
I hope You Always protect me. Prevent me from doing wrong things, always show me the right way. Dear Allah swt, Please forgive all my sins, my mistakes, wrong way and wrong things I did. I hope I can be a better person. Please don't leave me...

Another sleepless night. Here I am, full of love and some curiosity. Wondering what life might bring me. Well, life already gave me so many. Allah swt has shown the blessings. the miracle. so many love... so many amazing things in my life. Why should complaining? I try to be grateful.

Another sleepless night.

How did you do that?

I just can't fight this feelings
should I?
It's just about the way you make me feel
how did you do that?
When you make the impossible turns possible
When you make my frown turns into a smile
How did you do that?
It's just so weird...

The way you do everything you do
You make me upset sometimes
but then I just think you're funny!

I can mad at you anytime
and you can just make me feel okay
I can talk about anything
I can just hate you and love you at the same time
it's so weird

We were just friends, weren't we?
so how did you do that?

tolerate things

my friends told me I always tolerate many things

"ah,..elo sich semua bisa ditolerir"

..is that a bad thing?..
kadang males aja mempermasalahkan hal-hal kecil yang gak penting, masih banyak hal-hal lain yang perlu diurusin, tapi sebenernya kata-kata temenku itu lumayan bikin aku terhenyak.

Is it I'm playing: I'm-a-very-patient-person-role?
Am I really that patient?

Sebenernya aku gak sabar-sabar amat sich, I just like to 'hold on my feelings' atau tepatnya menahan diri... menahan perasaan, yah seperti itu lah.. sekarang sich udah bisa lebih asertif, dibandingkan bbrp tahun lalu. I speak my mind,still I'm trying to be a patient person...
Try not to explode. I know that sometimes, people need to release and express their feelings, such as: anger, happiness, excitement..

For me: I'd rather think about things silently, then just be with my self for a while, try to figure out why things happen...and find solutions. I just don't want to be driven with my emotions and anger, which gonna lead me to make an emotional decision. (though sometimes it still happens)

Well, I think everyone has their own way.. in taking and accepting things. What about you?

17 Again- The Movie

Have u ever wish that you could turn back time, to a moment when you still have some regrets, and do it all over again? well, this movie is about that.. though the Leading Character isn't coming back to the past, but he's turning into a 17-year-old-boy again! The 'Adult' Mike O Donnel (Matthew Perry-Chandler nya Friends) turns into 17-year-old handsome-georgeous Zac Efron (just realized how handsome he is in this movie :p)

Well, besides the face of Zac Efron all over the movie (which is very..ehm..good) that makes this movie is one of must-watched movie :p I think there are some interesting things about the movie...

The story is about a guy whose life didn't quite turn out how he wanted it to and wishes he could go back to high school and change it. He wakes up one day and is seventeen again and gets the chance to rewrite his life.

What I think about the movie, it's pretty romantic actually.
When the teenage Mike finds out that his girlfriend was pregnant, he decided to give up on college, and instead marry his girlfriend. But it turns out that during his late thirties, he has some regrets about his life and that makes him don't appreciate his life enough.

His wife feels that Mike changed, that he doesn't care as much anymore, and she feels like she's part of Mike's regret in life...Mike is wondering, what if he took college, maybe his career will be better....

Setelah tiba-tiba secara ajaib berubah jadi remaja cowok umur 17-tahun- with that good looking face + popular (jago maen basket pula. yahh high school thing) dia bisa melihat masalahnya dengan lebih jelas. Bahkan dia menemukan masalah-masalah yang sebelumnya gak dia duga.. ternyata anaknya yang cowok, gak berhasil jadi tim basket dan dianggap 'loser' sama temen-temennya, trus anaknya yang cewek pacaran sama seorang cowok yang gak bener.. a.k.a JERK, dan dia kaget banget.. ternyata banyak hal yang gak dia ketahui. Istrinya yang udah minta cerai karena gak tahan sama Mike yang terus menyesali hidup, ternyata sebenernya masih sayang sama Mike cuma merasa tersisih dan jadi bagian dari penyesalan Mike....

Mike jadi melihat masalah yang sebenarnya, dan menyadari bahwa mungkin ini adalah kesempatan bagi Mike untuk menyelamatkan keluarganya..

Lucu aja waktu Mike yang remaja (who is still madly in love with his wife) curi2 kesempatan buat berdansa sama istrinya (yang akhirnya dikira remaja cowok yang punya oedipus complex dan suka godain ibu temennya), trus waktu Mike remaja menghibur anaknya sendiri, yang akhirnya jadi naksir berat sama Mike (padahal bapaknya sendiri!)

the movie is pretty entertaining.

tapi Quote yang paling berkesan adalah ketika Mike remaja menghibur putrinya yang baru patah hati:

"When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not; it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks, but one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you."

that's a very nice quote... Ketika kita masih muda, rasanya suatu masalah seperti akhir dari dunia... kita merasa dunia kita hanya apa yang ada di depan mata. Ketika patah hati, ketika jatuh cinta... rasanya dunia itu ya apa yang kita hadapi, padahal kenyataannya.... the world is wider than that...sayangnya remaja suka gak pikir panjang, dan kadang membawa ke hal-hal yang negatif...(atau pun pada sebagian orang dewasa)

I remember the first time when my heart was broken. Pertama kali patah hati, rasanya dunia mau runtuh. There was nothing you can do to make me feel better. I remember when I truly fall in love for the first time *which I though was love*, it feels like everything. And when I lost it, my world is tumbling apart.. intinya dunia hancuuurr dehh,,rasanya mending gak usah hidup aja deh.. like it is the end of the world. hehe, i still remember .. on my 17th birthday, I was crying on my birthday party. Just because.. someone wasn't there, who I expected to be there. I feel like I lost everything in my life. That my life was worthless...

I kept on living with the hurt feelings, the memories of him, for like years! I was so stupid..
and believe it or not, a few years later, I got that second chance. Finally a chance to be with him. that special someone I've been waiting for years.

At first, it was like a dream come true.
But it didn't turn out quite well.
I found that that he's not what I need.
And probably, I'm not what he needs.
He didn't treat me well enough.
In the end I realized that we're not meant to be for each other.

Well, I learned a lesson.

I realized, probably God has given me that chance so that I know. And I can finally fully over him.

Seeing the stories in my life. Sometimes it's just so unbelievable. People that came into my life.
Some people that I thought they were going to be someone I am gonna be with forever. Someone that I finally found. well, I believe that they are someone that God sent on purpose, and I will never regret a thing.

I feel glad for everything that I've been through.
Cos those experiences have given me so many lessons.

I lost people that I love.
I lost my youngest sister.
And I realized the pain that I felt as a broken-hearted-teenager was nothing.
Compared to the grief I felt after losing my sister.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
They taught me a lot. and I'm very grateful
Now that I appreciate life even more.
Appreciate people who love me.
I can Love with all my heart.

I guess we all learn from our past.

So, maybe after watching this movie, you are going to do more self-reflections. Remembering your 17-year-old moment. Your past. Your regrets.
Hopefully you could appreciate life more :)

Happy Watching!

Bersyukur

Betapa banyak cobaan yang dilalui, hidup tidak selalu 'sempurna', kadang bahagia, kadang sedih..
Kadang hal-hal baik terjadi, dan kadang hal-hal buruk terjadi.
Tapi sesungguhnya segala sesuatu yang terjadi adalah untuk yang terbaik...

Ketika kita 'ditimpa' kebahagiaan, kita jarang bertanya.. "kenapa aku?"
Tapi ketika kita 'diberi' kesedihan atau kesulitan,
pertanyaan yang terus menerus terngiang di benak adalah.. "Kenapa Aku?"
seakan-akan kita tidak layak mendapatkan cobaan-cobaan dalam hidup...
Sementara itu hal-hal baik sudah sewajarnya terjadi...

Kita lupa bersyukur....

Bahkan ketika tidak ada hal 'istimewa' pun dalam hidup,
sesungguhnya bukankah setiap saat adalah saat yang istimewa.
Masih bisa bernafas, masih punya mata untuk melihat, masih dapat berjalan, masih dapat tersenyum, masih dapat mencintai dan dicintai...

Dan masih banyak karunia lain yang Allah berikan kepada kita.. tapi kita seringkali lupa bersyukur.

We take things for granted.

Kadang, kita memang tidak tau apa yang kita miliki sebelum kita kehilangan hal-hal tersebut....

don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got till it's gone *

lirik salah satu lagu favoritku... =)

Karena nya,, aku terus berharap dan berdoa agar rasa syukur selalu ada di hatiku.
Agar aku sabar dan ikhlas menjalani setiap detik dalam hidupku.
Bersyukur atas setiap karunia yang Allah berikan...

Ya Allah semoga kami tidak lupa...

Fears

Well I have my fears
don't you have yours?
And you said, it's not just mine,
but 'ours'.

I do hope I can overcome my fears
as I know you'll be by my side
but still.. I have some fears.

Like it or not
I have to face it...
I guess it's okay to have some fears
As long as u can live with them and
try to overcome them..

We all have fears.
Don't we?